Love, Rants & Raves

1.  Secrets don't make friends. . Unless you aren't around friends who can't know the secret.  Then they make great friends.

2. So what if your fellow employee (who you have helped out a time too many) is going to give you the cold shoulder for not switching them a solid shift. You work hard.  Keep your Friday night.  I promise they will be able to reschedule their dog's acupuncture appointment.

3.  Blow on  your hot liquids/foods before devouring them!  I know you're starving and tired but, hopefully, whatever you are consuming is not going to grow legs and run away from you if you let it sit for two minutes.  A burnt tongue is the 187th worst thing that can happen to you in the world! ..according to a study created and performed by me. 

4.  If it's past noon and you are still in bed and you don't have a hang over... Well, then you need a serious to-do list.  Or a therapist.  Either way, just get out of bed.

5.  Returning to an X after you break up with someone or are broken up with is kind of a deep burn.  If you are the breaker-upper who returned to your X then you should fully expect and be okay with just one swift kick to the balls or punch in the boob.  But if you are the X they returned to then you have unlimited permission to yell out variations of 'Burn!' like an 11-year-old the first few times you see the former X.  You only have a couple of times you're allowed to do this without looking insecure so get creative and be discreet.  A blackened eggo waffle on their doorstep should do the trick.  Make it the cinnamon kind so you seem sweet.

6.  If you don't eat meat, smoke or drink alcohol let me just say congratulations and more power to you.  But if you remind me that you don't one more time, I am going to find a way to sneak a pig's foot, second hand smoke (the worst kind, gasp!) and a shot of bourbon into your vegan brownie.  So back off and let me slowly deteriorate my body in peace.

7.  I know she sucks and you wish she'd move to Zimbabwe and live in a hut with no communication to the modern world BUT she's not going to.  In fact, she's probably going to stick around forever so deal.  Don't be a sourpuss in the corner when she shows up and more importantly don't become obviously obnoxious.  If you don't typically have a "knee slapper" kind of laugh when she's not around then don't develop one when she enters the room to prove how much fun you're having.  No one is going to believe you are having the time of your life at Applebee's.  It's not even happy hour and you're paying full price for boxed wine.  Pull yourself together.

8.  And I swear if you request 'Red Solo Cup' in my jukebox one more time. . . 

Blush the Enemy

They say you wear your heart on your sleeve, well baby, I keep yours in the pocket of my jeans

I can rinse you out of my hair and even scrub you from my skin

But you seem to show up every time I'm prepared to let someone else in

They say the right things and even root for my favorite teams 

But still I feel like a traitor resting on their worn blue seams

They say we're wrong and I start to believe they're right 

Then why does my stomach sink at the thought of flight

I sit in the corner breathless and at times welcome our death

But how can there be much of a life beyond this

I'd like to measure that faint line that claims to separate love and ha-- No, I won't say it, I refuse 

Refuse to believe that loath can be weaved even from the smallest cloth of love that has passed, or worse, crashed

So I continue to mend and glue the tears in this blanket we make love beneath

Wincing when the light of truth creeps in between the sheets

Hold me, hold me how can you resist when my wounds seep through clenched fists

That life over there may be mine 

But why then can I only see yours which awaits right behind 

Set me free, set me free

It's when you can't hear this that resentment covers the pulling silence that forces you closer to me

Blame, blame, who's to blame

You who remodels the same game endlessly or is it me  

Me, the one who is too afraid of the life that waits when your comforting arms move

Allowing me hit these virgin knees

Do I have what it takes to defeat the most harrowing enemy

After all, it's not you

It is me.

Pincushion Heart

It started by sifting through old journals. The annual examination of my pincushion of a heart that is. First things first: check for a pulse. With slight surprise and major relief, we're in business people.

Now to assess the surface wounds. The bruises. More appropriately titled: the cheap shots. Though painful when first received, they are on their way to a rapid recovery. Their delivery came from clumsy hands that never stood a chance at their target.

Time to stop the bleeding. New cuts. New love. Old routines. A slim needle pins the area doing it's best to disguise closure. Sew them quickly. Tie them tightly. Now check to see where the brick red trail leads and pray that it's not back to that place that seems to repeatedly seep.

The Scars. The cemetery of the heart. Proceed with caution when revisiting these young or wrinkled graves. Check your bare feet for any sign of new blood, it is what these old trails thirst for most. One drop is capable of birthing new hurt into the discolored tissue of these wounds. Instead enter with clean hands and gather the flowers of strength that escape their cracks. It was your courage that put them to rest and in turn planted new life. Leave with a bouquet that is petaled with accomplishment and stemmed by hope.

I've made the rounds. Now time to close shop. I'll lock the gates of the past and refuse to leave until I find the exit door that is stained beautifully with the word future. I will hang my keys here and step out to the dangerously promising bleeding beat of my own heart.

Love, Rants & Raves (cuatro)

1. it's not impossible. stop being so dramatic. put on your big girl panties and deal.

2. forgive him. forget him. move on. but do each fully. half-assing any of these steps won't get you anywhere but back in his bed hating yourself.

3. stop ordering chicken fingers and fries. don't get me wrong - everyone needs a happy meal here and there. but if you are at a restaurant and what you ordered is just a larger portion of something on the kids menu you might as well just ask for crayons too. nothing is worse than a picky eater. no prize for you.

4. drink some wine with your BFF. i promise you'll feel better.

5. dress up for parties. i'm sure your new t-shirt and flippy floppies look awesome.... on the beach. don't be a slobby slob. they didn't buy invitations, decorate their home and cook all day to serve someone who just rolled out of bed. slip into a summer frock with some fabulous wedges and make a statement. that statement being that you actually take pride in the way you present yourself. your hostess will appreciate it. promise.

6. if someone has a baby that has the same name as your mutt of a dog please keep it to yourself. No one wants to hear you compare their heaven sent bundle to your booger-eyed poodle that you for some reason named Alexis. And if you have given your dog a middle or last name.... might wanna keep that on the DL too. or at least just don't tell me. i can't promise i won't judge.

7. find someone who has your same passion and has figured out a way to make a living doing it and drill them as much as they will allow. don't know anyone? search the biography section at your local book store. even Jenna Jameson has an interesting one. but hopefully your one desire in life is not to become a porn star.

8. if you are single and want to feel fresh then i suggest drastically changing your hair. nothing makes you feel like a new you more than coloring or chopping your three year old do. if you're in a relationship then obviously what your doing is working so continue. want him to break up with you? google Kate Gosselin 2008. that didn't work? well, i guess you'll have to pull a Britney. yikes.

9. take care of your pearly whites. even if they aren't straight they should at least be clean.

10. show gram and gramps some love. ask them about times in their lives when they didn't look like a prune and a cotton ball had a baby. you will be surprised to find out they were probably way cooler than we will ever be.

Love, Rants & Raves (tres)

So lately my posts have been pretty Debbie Downerish and fortunately I am finding it hard to write something gloomy on such a sunny day. It's definitely time for some Love, Rants & Raves for the summa summa time.

1. Some classic Snoop Dizzle will make any summer day twice as bright. So lean back the seat of your car, guide the steering wheel with one hand (10 and 2 is not very gangster) and Laaayyy back. Oh and go ahead and put your mind on your money and your money on your mind.

2. Plan an adult pool party. That's right, no kiddie pools allowed. Slab some steaks on the grill and indulge in your favorite sugar rimmed summer cocktail. Get tipsy. Get a tan. And have a drunken game of marco polo with your bestests.

3. Don't have a pool? Find out what neighbors are headed out of town for their summer vacation and offer to water their plants while they're gone. WAH-La - pool for you. Preferably ask a neighbor without a big stinky mutt in the backyard. If they do have a big stinky mutt go ahead and tell them it's all the rage in Paris to take your big stinky mutt on vacation with the family. Once the family and Beethoven are good and gone, get a little crazy and go skinny dipping at night... but don't do it in their pool. It's just mean to do it in the neighbors pool. Skinny dipping - Good. More than dipping - Not.

4. Find yourself a summer fling. What better way to spice up your summer? Just do yourself a favor and try and find one that has some respect for you and himself. This will help insure that you don't get the herps. No matter how cute the swimsuit is or how rockin' your bod happens to be, that all goes down the pooper when you have herpes of the mouth. So be smart poptart.

5. It's OK if your boy wants to wear flip flops in the summer... just make sure he takes care of his tootsies. I don't mean take him to your local mani/pedi shack for the summer foot package, just some basic grooming will do. If you can get your boy to get a pedicure with you then cool if you're into that. I'd personally rather not see my man nose deep in a US Weekly mag and pink separators between his toes.

6. If he continues to wear flip flops once summer is over... burn them. Seriously. Or don't be so dramatic and lock them up until next summer. However you do it just get rid of them. No excuses.

7. Make homemade iced lattes. I'm not saying this because you need to save money (let's be honest, who doesn't need to save money right now?) but because for third time in a row that I have used my right arm as payment for a venti latte they have not figured out how to put the lid on right. I almost lost it on the barista but he happened to be super gay and super adorable and I asked him if he would go shopping with me sometime instead. Way to take a stand.

8. Be a good friend! It sounds obvious but a lot of you are not being the B.F.F. you once promised to be. And if you think it's their fault because they are too busy for you, you could be wrong. Sometimes when a friend acts like they don't need their friends is when they need them most. So pick up a $5 latte (tell Rico I said heyyy) and take it to her work with an I love you B.F.F. note. Do this or surrender your LYLAS bracelet she gave you cause you have totally not been loving her like a sister.

9. Take your heart and mind and put them in separate rooms. Talk to them both. The mind will probably say it's sick of hearing the heart whine all the time and the heart thinks the mind has a problem listening but try your best to reason with them. Get them to kiss and make up. It's the only way to figure out what it is you really want and need to do.

In the Quiet

Since when did silence get so loud? I think I know when. It had to be around the time that the voices on the outside muted the one inside. When what they said what I needed became more relevant than the things I wanted to need. The only way I can avoid the quiet is to dive into the great pool of noise the outside world so willingly provides us. Beware, a strange security is offered here. Stay here when you can't bear to be in the quiet. You will never feel alone here because there are always others who need to be in this place too. You will find them backstroking in their past, free styling through their futures and butterflying away their dreams. Some are great swimmers of these waters and only allow themselves a few laps in their sorrows. Others stay wading and pruned in a state of wonder, grasping for the remaining memories of the dry land they was once crushed under their feet.

Dive. Get out. Stay.

Dive. Stay. Get Lost.

These are your options. It would seem a very simple choice if one were not so much more difficult than the other. Staying speeds up the process of becoming nothing more than a flash in time and leaving means you must keep the light burning to find your way. So have a steady hand when lifting yourself from these waters and a strong foot of balance. To be able to ignite the light's flame you will first need to dry your skin in the cold of the quiet.

Dry. Ignite. Live.

fixed in the heavens

One of the many gifts of growing up on a farm is the deep, dark blanket of a sky that awaits you each night. Witnessing my first shooting star felt liking catching a quick wink from heaven. There were many nights spent camping on the trampoline trying to fight sleep to wait for these little cosmic phenomenons. Sometimes I would create a list of the things I would like to wish for on my next shooting star.. longer hair, catching Santa in the act, a new pony.. There was always something worth wishing for. Although I don't think I ever used the list. There is something mystical about the moment you witness falling stars. The list seems to fade and God shines a quick light on your heart's true desire. All you can really do is marvel and pray He has read the one you hope for at night.

I still find myself searching for them and, yes, there is still quite a list of currents wishes. But now when a star falls i simply wink up at the sky. I know He's got a plan and I am more than ready to start building by using the very same tools that fixed the stars in the heavens.