I woke up like that again this morning. My eyes parted without reason. No alarm or disruption. Just the eerie feeling that comes when waking from a dreamless sleep. For me this is worse than any nightmare. It's too similar to being put under before an operation. A black sheet falls over your mind and for awhile you do not exist in either known world. You simply experience the paralyzing realization of nothingness.
I crawled outside of myself and stood at the foot of my bed staring at the girl laying on my pillow. She seemed unfamiliar. She looked like me... pale skin with a few misplaced freckles on her body, chestnut roots fighting vast strands of blond hair loosely held back by a half tied red bow and half moons of eyeliner below her lids the result of another late night I'm sure. I stood there examining her the way you would examine a picture of a picture and for the first time in far too long I felt for her. Not a feeling of remorse or pity but a feeling comparable to finally remembering the name of an old friend you ran into or when you remember what you had wanted to say when you were sure you had forgotten. I suppose I just recognized her. As tempting as it was at first to just walk out the door and start new, I couldn't leave her laying there with her fists curled beneath her chin and bruised knee peeking out of a sea of covers. I was there to stay. I crawled right back beside her and placed my hands over hers and felt her battle ready fists slowly melt into my own.