Monday, April 19, 2010

Love, Rants & Raves (two)

1. Rub-a-dub-dub in your tub. Whip out the candles, Epsom salts, bubble bath and your rubber ducky. Get serious about your bath time. Send your boyfriend/hubby out for a beer with the boys (I'm sure he won't be too upset about that) and drop the kids off at your mommas house for a couple hours so you can make room for some you time. Turn on a sweet ass playlist and drink wine in your tub until you are a certified prune.

2. Skip the sale rack this week. I know, I know, times are tough, i get it. But you shouldn't underestimate the major self esteem boost that can be found in the zipper of a full priced ensemble. Still need to justify it? Just make it a classic piece. Don't bring home a $300 plum & navy striped skirt no matter how "amazing" & "totally hot right now" the dressing room guy says it is. No one is going to believe you when you claim you'll where it to your reunion that's 3 years away. Get real.

3. Stop ignoring your 'change oil soon' sign. No one hates waiting in that greasy waiting room watching Ricky Lake reruns and getting checked out by a real life Homer Simpson for 2 hours more than I do but you must endure this. It's just not worth effing up your car and having to sign half your life away in bills a few months later. I've learned the hard way so just take my word for it. This goes for brakes too. Nothing is more irritating than having your windows down while enjoying your it's-actually-not-blazing-hot-outside-thank-the-Lord playlist only to have someone pull up next to you with what sounds like 3 screeching kittens under their hood. Don't be the ruiner of the moment.

4. Repaint your nails or take off the paint all together. Yes, you. Look at that chipped blue nail polish. That's a big no no. I am guilty of this myself but am getting better. My mother always told me it was trashy and no one likes trash. This goes for the toes too. But try and keep those painted. There are very few people who can pull off the nude toe look.

5. Make a coffee date. Get crazy and order a venti and talk the afternoon away with a pal. Or go by yourself... just bring a journal or something to keep you occupied. There is nothing normal about having a conversation with yourself out loud... in public anyway.

6. Stop box coloring your hair. Just stop.

7. Write a sweet note in lipstick on the mirror for your lover buns to find. Be sure to kiss the mirror too. He just might invite you into his morning shower... & that would be a great way to start a sure to be crap filled Monday.

8. Love yourself. I know I say it all the time but I believe we can't be reminded enough of this. Sadly, it is so easily forgotten.

love, peace & chicken grease


  1. ahaha i felt like the "blue nail polish" comment was directed completely towards me [i know this is illogical!] but there is a chip on my one nail that has been bothering me! thanks to this post... im repainting thanks dolly! :p

  2. I have a little something for you over at my blog. :)

  3. i miss your blogging! this is actually pretty sound advice and it never fails to cheer me up :)

  4. LOL! I love your funny little quips... love them!!

    I agree about the chipped nailpolish...*looks down at chipped hot-pink polish on fingernails*... crap. ;)

    OH, and I saw a friend the other day without her toenails painted in the cutest sandals ever. It was such a waste.

    Only problem: boxed hairdye. Love it. Until the day that getting it done in a salon costs a significant amount less than $60, my haircolor will come out of a box. :)